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..Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement...- Mark TwainThe secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible- George BurnsSanta Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.- Victor BorgeBe careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.- Mark TwainBy all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.- SocratesI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.- Groucho MarxMy wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.- Jimmy DuranteI have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.- Zsa Zsa GaborOnly Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.- Alex LevineMy luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,. Jim looked panicked about what would be said next. Dave, Rose, and Blair all looked at him.Jim finally explained, “Errr, Penny was the other woman that was there. Even though Alice is Dave’s wife, Penny was more with him.” He gestured at Dave.Blair said calmly but with a bite to her voice, “But she spent some time with you. You fucked her?”Jim reluctantly said, “Well, yes. I told you that we swapped back and forth.” He tried to remember exactly what he’d confessed after returning from his trip to Virginia.Blair turned her whole body to Jim, “Oh, am I not remembering that part of our conversation when you told me about meeting ‘Alice and Dave’?” She made large air quotes around the two names as she ticked them off on two of her fingers.Jim said defensively, “I didn’t want to disrespect Alice, Penny, or you, so I didn’t mention her. I was afraid of what your opinion of them and me might be if you knew that, and I also didn’t want to make you feel that you had to compete. You.
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